A few short years ago I was literally brought to tears at the very THOUGHT of being put on camera or even just the sound of my recorded voice. I would have much rather have been speaking in front of a small group or leading a Worship service LIVE than to be alone in a room being recorded on camera. For many that reality would lead them to believe I was a bundle of confidence! After all...isn't doing things LIVE, in front of a group, much more scary than it just being me and a camera??? NOT FOR ME!
You see, for me, when I am being recorded the perfectionist in me takes over BIG TIME! I would literally pick myself apart. Every word that didn't fit just right. Every note that wasn't perfectly sung. I would just pick pick pick pick. Record. Re record. And record again. After all, this recording would last forever! If I'm live in a group speaking or singing LIVE than there's a good chance people will forget the moments I stumbled over my words or sang something wrong. I didn't have any "proof" of my mess ups to obsess over.
And then the Lord called me out of the "spot light", out of up front ministry, when he called me to be a homeschool, work from home mama. It was at that time that he spoke so clearly to my spirit and said "I'm not calling you out of ministry. I'm calling you to a ministry that reaches far beyond the church walls." After my entire life having been built around traditional church ministry I had zero clue what that meant but I clung to Jesus, trusting and knowing that His ways are higher than my ways!
Fast forward just a few short years and here I am, loving this life and ministry the Lord continues to bless me with right here from home. A life that is still lived out loud for Him - no longer from a platform but from my dining room. No longer simply connected with a limited amount of people in a room in a building but with people around the nation and world that I would never have had the honor of knowing before. No longer operating solely out of perfectionism and fear of failure but out of pure passion for people. Living out loud the good, the bad, and the ugly of life and doing my best to shine the goodness of God through it all!
Just last night I recorded some travideosining for the AMAZING health coaches I have the honor of working with and instead of picking apart the mess ups (and believe me there were a LOT of them 🤦♀️) I just pushed through and did them all in one take. After all, that's real life! And after I was done filming I sat and laughed with Casey at the many crazy faces and hand motions I made all through out the filming. (y'all I clearly still talk BIG even from my dining room table 😜).
A few short years ago the thought of my life right now, a season of life that has brought me so much personal joy, peace, and confidence in the LORD, would have brought me to literal tears. But when God calls you, when He plants that seeds of visions, dreams, and desires that don't make sense, when He walks you through the storms and the unknowns, He isn't having you take a detour...nope...every step of the way He is leading you, obedient step by obedient step, to the land of promise He has for you!
Y'all...I saw all of that to say... it's crazy what happens when you decide to push past your fears and just do it scared!!